gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
