Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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