Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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