$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
