I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need a beard to bite.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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