I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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