this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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