The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
