How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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