why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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