Midget sex pt 2 tonight
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
