remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
