If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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