just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
