And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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