Only a mothe r could love this liver
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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