Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
