for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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