My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
