it wasn't lemon gatorade
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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