Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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