I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my being single is dangerous.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
