Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
