just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
