I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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