My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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