honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
