how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
