There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
