An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
