just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
