p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
