We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
