dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
