last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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