She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
