Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
