I cockslap morals
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
