eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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