I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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