y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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