Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
