who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
