I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
