Sorry, I don't speak sober.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
