Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
