watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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