i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
