You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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