Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
