dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
