i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
