I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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