Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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