we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
