I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
