so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
